The Book in Three Sentences

There are two classic drivers of human development: Nature (or Genes) and Nurture (or Environment through which a person learns). Many people believe that nurture is only limited to parents’ upbringing. There is no doubt children do learn from their parents, they learn more from their peer groups. Peer groups of children shape their behavior and modifies the characteristics they were born with.

Important quotes

"Parents who try to influence the kind of person their child will become -- to make him industrious, for example, or conscientious, or considerate -- are wasting their time."
"There is no correlation between how parents raise their children and how their children turn out."
"It is the peer group, not the family, that is the primary shaper of personality."
"If we want to understand why some children turn out to be successful and others don't, we need to look beyond the family to the world outside."
"The theory of parenting that has been guiding us for the past century is fundamentally flawed."
"Children are not passive receptacles that can be molded like lumps of clay."
"A child's personality is not something that can be created or destroyed by a parent."
"Parents matter, but not in the way we thought they did."
"The nature versus nurture debate is a false dichotomy."
"Children develop their own personalities by selecting from the vast array of cultural influences that surround them."
"Genes influence not only the color of our eyes and the shape of our noses, but also the way we think and feel."
"Parents who are worried about the long-term effects of their child's friends can relax: they don't have to be perfect."
"Children learn from their peers how to be popular, how to be cool, how to be confident, and how to be successful."
"Parents who attempt to control their child's peer group can do more harm than good."
"The fact that parents have so little influence on their child's personality should be seen as liberating, not depressing."
"Birth order effects are like those things that you think you see out of the corner of your eye but that disappear when you look at them closely. They do keep turning up but only because people keep looking for them and keep analyzing and reanalyzing their data until they find them."
"The use of "nurture" as a synonym for "environment" is based on the assumption that what influences children's development, apart from their genes, is the way their parents bring them up. I call this the nurture assumption. Only after rearing two children of my own and coauthoring three editions of a college textbook on child development did I begin to question this assumption. Only recently did I come to the conclusion that it is wrong."
"There is no question that the adult caregivers play an important role in the baby's life. It is from these older people that babies learn their first language, have their first experiences in forming and maintaining relationships, and get their first lessons in following rules. But the socialization researchers go on to draw other conclusions: that what children learn in the early years about relationships and rules sets the pattern for later relationships and later rule-following, and hence determines the entire course of their lives. I used to think so too. I still believe that children need to learn about relationships and rules in their early years; it is also important that they acquire a language. But I no longer believe that this early learning, which in our society generally takes place within the home, sets the pattern for what is to follow. Although the learning itself serves a purpose, the content of what children learn may be irrelevant to the world outside their home. They may cast it off when they step outside as easily as the dorky sweater their mother made them wear."

About Author of "The Nurture Assumption"

Judith Rich Harris was an American psychologist and author born on February 10, 1938. She received her bachelor’s degree in English from Brandeis University and her master’s degree in psychology from Harvard University. Harris is best known for her book “The Nurture Assumption: Why Children Turn Out the Way They Do,” which challenges the belief that parents are the primary influences on their children’s personalities. In the book, she argues that the peer group, rather than the family, is the primary shaper of personality. Harris’s work has been widely cited in the field of psychology and has sparked considerable debate and controversy. She received numerous awards for her work, including the George A. Miller Award from the American Psychological Association and the Robert L. Fantz Award for Excellence in Infant Research from the International Conference on Infant Studies. Harris passed away on December 29, 2018, at the age of 80.

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